Four Reasons To Talk About Death
By Paul Triggs, LMSW
For most people, death is a sore subject - for easily understood reasons as the word death signifies the end. Take a moment and think about how often you use the word “death” or “dead” in your life. I could think of multiple times where I discussed the death of my phone, my car or a job but when was the last time you talked about the death of an individual? Although this may seem like an unlikely necessity, this is way more common than you think. For example, by age 30, nearly 20% of Americans will experience the loss of a parent (1). While this statistic may not effect you directly, it should help to increase your interest in talking about death.
1. It could be therapeutic.
In the beginning of our lives the only thing we are guaranteed is a definite end. I understand this sounds morbid but identifying the obstacles is a huge step in solving any challenge we may face. In turn, talking about death could facilitate deep reflection and turn out to be therapeutic. For example, think of a time where you had a preconceived notion of how something would go and really explored the likelihood of that result. I bet some of these notions came true, but many were proven false and the clarity came through talking. This same concept is true when discussing death because the more you discuss any issue the less scary it becomes which allows you to take back control. Furthermore, talking about death has been proven to increase our ability to handle the sadness and emotions related to death (2).
2. Estate Planning.
The concept of estate planning or financial preparation will be tedious, but this is an important conversation to explore. The thought of losing someone close to us is scary, however, will inevitably happen. In the case of preparing for death many things will come up such as funeral arrangements, ceremonies, and what to do with the items left behind. In turn, the easiest way to start this conversation is by asking yourself how you would answer these questions and reflect on your responses.
3. Connect with like-minded people.
The concept of likeminded people could pertain to any number of individuals. For example, this could be people within you own family who are also going through this loss. On the other hand, these likeminded people may come from your community and may have never met the person you are now missing but they share a common experience. The need for connection is something all individuals have, because this helps build resilience and meaning in our lives. Consequently, the connection of an individual who holds a shared experience is even more valuable. Take a second and think of someone who has gone through a challenge with you and could relate to certain struggle. Then put that person in the same position while experiencing the death of someone close and think of how that would affect your relationship.
4. Prioritize your time.
The idea of losing a parent or a loved one is scary, I could attest. During my childhood I did not experience the loss of any close relatives and it seemed like an insignificant thought. Consequently, over the past 10 years I have lost multiple close relatives and with each loss I ask my self the same question “how did you spend your time with them and did you do enough?” The truth is, my question is not nuanced or profound, but it has come up each time in some iteration. As I reflect while writing this blog the answer is typically no! I can admit my efforts to stay connected and make the most of their final days were not enough and should have been improved. I am not writing this not to feel bad but rather to explore the concept of quality time vs quantity time. While exploring this concept, I realize the amount of time spent with loved ones is low, but we have been socialized to enjoy our time together.
Beaumont, S (2017). We need to talk about death. Retrieved from: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/handy-hints-humans/201703/we-need-talk-about-death
Scherer, Z (2019). Parental Mortality is Linked to a Variety of Socio-economic and Demographic Factors. Retrieved from: https://www.census.gov/library/stories/2019/05/when-do-we-lose-our-parents.html